TWO?

(17 weeks)

This is old news by now for most of our friends and family, but I am finally announcing my pregnancy on the blog.  It has taken me this long to reach a point where I'm comfortable writing in depth about the two new members of our family growing steadily larger inside my womb.

We wanted a sibling for Lincoln to add more life, laughter, movement, noise and interest to our family.  I realized that our house would be somewhat silent over the years if he were a single child. I've always planned on two kids, but never realized how difficult pregnancy would be for me.  So after having Lincoln I doubted whether I could go through with it again.  But it seems two years is enough time to get over it, because when Tyler brought up the possibility of another child, it didn't take long before we decided to try! 

On November 17 I smiled joyfully at a positive pregnancy test.  I was determined that this time would be different.  It's not that I was sick or had any complications with Lincoln other than a slight change in thyroid medication, it's more my emotional horror at sharing my body with another being.  Everything felt...off.  I couldn't exercise, I never felt satiated by any of the gluttonous piles of food I consumed, my whole body swelled and my brain ran away.  Yeah, yeah that's typical, I know.  Every pregnant woman goes through it.  But some women just love it.  Some women don't even notice it.  I felt invaded every step of the way.  Of course, to make it worse, I felt guilty for not glowing in maternal splendor, for not appreciating the miracle of life happening within me.  So the second time round, I prepared myself mentally and put myself in a place of hopeful expectancy.  I wanted to be pregnant, and hopefully that would make all the difference.

There certainly was a difference.  I threw up everyday throughout the month of December.  Sometimes even 5 times before bed.  I couldn't hold down even liquid.  Poor Lincoln grew more and more restless, irritable and resentful of his pale, weak mother suddenly confined to the couch.  While they say "every pregnancy is different" I wondered if something else was going on.  I started to say that there's two inside me, wreaking havoc.  But nothing prepared me for the ultrasound that confirmed my suspicions.  

Our first trip to the doctor showed two heartbeats and two healthily separated embryos.  After I stopped swearing, I started tearing up.  Then I started listing off all that this meant for our family of.... FIVE.  We need a new car!  Double stroller!  TWO car seats!  TWO cribs!  How am I going to breast feed TWO?  Twice the teenage hormones and college tuition!  Our kids are going to outnumber us!

I know my reaction was less than gracious.  Less than grateful.  Some people try years and years just to get pregnant without success.  Some people have risk-laden pregnancies, in which the health of the mother and/or baby is precarious at best.  That's why I 'm writing now.  Because at this moment I have moved past my fear and negativity.  Well, no, I'm still scared.  But more than anything I'm excited.  I've embraced the facts, and I consistently envision those two tiny babes, swaddled together in a bassinet.  How sweet!  I have exhausted our public library's small selection of twin-raising books, and I'm combing online resources for chances to talk to other mothers of multiples.  

Other large changes loom on our horizon.  We may or may not be moving across country shortly after the twins are born.  Next month we're visiting Boston, and Tyler will make his final decision on which MBA program to attend.  It's either stay here in Utah or move to Boston.  I can see positives to both.  I'm ready to know which it is though, so I can plan and prepare.  New computer, new car... pretty much a new life awaits us before the year is up.  I am always saying how I hate to remain stagnant, and my history does indeed show a series of abrupt changes.  So really, these new developments are right up my alley!  

We'll know in a couple weeks what sexes the twins are.  I can hardly wait.